Vanilla Sky | Wizard Rating:

Okay look, I don't care what all those other piddly little pea brained morons who call themselves "movie reviewers" think about Vanilla. Most of them tore it apart and said the original was not good and neither is this one. What kind of crack are they smoking? Most of those dildi-drips need a razor blade dildo in their ass. Some of those guys can't even spell the name of the original Spanish movie! (Abre Los Ojos, also starring Penelope Cruz).

Now that we've ditermined that thay are all morans becauze thay cann't spel, I'll tell you all about the moovie and give away thee ending!

This is a great movie. I saw the original a few years ago and it turned out to be just long enough to forget the whole story. It was wonderful. It's wonderful that they gave us an English version of this story with actual famous people that we Amuuuricans can recognize. Tom Cruise, Penelope, gosh, they're so cute together, don't you think? During the shooting Tom apparently started doing Penelope randy, cuz he left Nicole and the kids a short while later...so what we have here is real life, REAL LIFE here people! Right there on the big screen! Tom and Penelope are actually falling in love! Wow. I'm so amused with myself.

Penelope was naked in the original and she dropped her shirt in this one too. I was so surprised I nearly wet myself. In fact I think I did wet myself. Hey, you won't be able to contain yourself either! She was topless for at least a minute straight! That alone right there is worth eight bucks. Now we know why Tommy dropped Nicole and her skanky white trash self. He likes 'em lightly toasted. Go Penelope.

Don't let anyone talk to you about this movie. Just go see it, right now! Go in there and try your damned hardest to figure out what the hell is going on....you might just succeed, but I doubt it. Enjoy the ride, and make sure you bring a clean dry towel....